Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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