just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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