i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
