I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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