We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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