Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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