my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
