Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
