I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
