I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
