I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
