That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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