Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
