I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
