There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
