I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
