Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
