she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
