So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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