Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
