wat bout pragnant strippers??
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
