Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
where am i from again
now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
