mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
