Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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