I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You are a genius and a whore.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
