Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
