Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
