My friends, they love my intelligence
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
