He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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