she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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