She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
