...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
