In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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