Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
