i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
