Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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