I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
