And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
