oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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