I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
