Your tits are I can't wait for
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
