I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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