so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
