My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
