I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
