terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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