Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
