I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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