I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry about my life...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
