I CAN MOONWALK!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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