I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
